Hi, this is Karin’s husband David. I’ve been thinking about making this post for a while now, I still don’t know how it’s going to go. Karin developed pneumonia in September shortly after she had a port installed in her chest. She was able to recover from it the first time, but then developed it again in mid October and again at the end of October. It was just too much for her already weakened immune system, and she passed away on Halloween.
It’s been more than two months now, and I keep expecting that things will get better. Really that’s a lie, what I keep expecting is to wake up and find her next to me. That hasn’t happened yet though… What has happened? Well I’ve tried to do the things that Karin told me she wanted to happen, and in the things that we didn’t talk about, I’ve tried to do what I thought she might want me too. None of it is easy of course, Karin was my rock and idea person. She pointed the course, and helped row. When that wasn’t enough, I just tried to blow enough hot air to make the sails get us there…
Karin and I originally met in junior high school. She was a very popular and beautiful cheerleader and drill team member, and I was me… So of course me being me I never took the chance to get to know Karin, and that may be the biggest regret of my life. If I had taken that chance, maybe we could have clicked then and had almost 30 years with each other. Okay, so I would have at least have know her better and been a friend for that long, but you never know we just might have clicked.
Instead we met again in 2004, on match.com, and our first date was on July 24th, 2004. We were married a year later on July 31st, 2005. Immediately from the first or second date we began falling in love, and that love grew for the last 6 and a half years. I honestly believe that we are soul mates, and if there is any justice in this universe at all we will be together again.
Before Karin and I started dating, I used to write some at my own blog. Karin loved reading the stories that I wrote, but I stopped writing shortly after we met. She used to ask me once in a while why I never wrote any more, and I’m not sure if I ever really told her a reason. Before I met Karin, I lived a lot in my head, and every little thing that happened I would try to turn into some interesting tale. Sometimes I was able to and it would go into my blog, other times they didn’t make it past the draft… Once I met Karin though, I didn’t need to live in my head. She made every day fun, and worth being there for. So why didn’t I write about that? Maybe out of selfishness, or a little fear. I didn’t want to share our times with everyone else, I had found my princess and was living my dream, and maybe I was also a little afraid that anything I wrote would never get it right, and might dull what it was actually like.
I really wish I had kept writing about it, not so much for me, but because I think Karin really would have enjoyed reading it. I could have put down in words everything that she and I experienced, and how she made me feel. I think that is something that I could have given her. So I’m going to try to get back to writing a little. I don’t know what it will be, I think to start it will mostly be me remembering things that Karin and I had together, maybe it will help me. I don’t know how long I will keep it up, or if it will be anything for anyone but me. I haven’t decided yet if I will post on Karin’s blog or just update mine.
I’m going to end this post with what I wrote on Karin’s facebook the night that she passed away. Thank you to everyone who was a part of Karin’s life on here. It really made things much easier for her during those long days when she was at home wondering what the next days and months would bring…
My world has changed
Thank you to everyone who was there for Karin and who did so much to make her feel so loved. When Karin was first diagnosed with lung cancer we set up a blog for her as a way to get her feelings out there as she was going through this. She met some really good people through it, people who she connected with and immediately made her feel welcome in their worlds.
A little while later I set up a Facebook account for her, and immediately she started finding friends from her past. People she was close to in school, that she could reconnect with, and people that she hadn’t met before who came across her story.
It’s still surprising to me just how much it surprised her that she had so many friends and people that cared about her. Me, being one of the people in school with her, from my point of view anyway always saw her as one of the most popular people in school. That’s really too bad for me too, because it kept me from ever trying to get to know her then. It took me more that 25 years to find out just how amazing she was.
Karin passed away this evening. She was with family and friends and she was not alone, I would wish that for anyone at the end. It’s the only thing that we can carry with us. She kicked the cancer’s ass all over the place, jut like she said she would. The fight took so much out of her though, and when she got pneumonia it was just too hard for her to keep coming back and fighting. To anyone who may have doubts though I can tell you even though it was too much for her body at the end, her spirt was there all the way and will be with me forever.
My world is so much darker tonight, but the heavens will be much brighter now… They have my angel.